rimbonez

2010-12-29T18:46:00.000-08:00

im too lazy to update here i guess. hahaha no point leading a dual life.

so on to tumblr. i think im a lagger but wtheck.

2010-12-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

i'm not perfect but i keep trying because that's what i told myself i would do.

harp on my flaws if you must, but dont think im like everyone else in ur elite social circle dammit. yeah they may understand everything you say right away, but im sorry for being dumb ok! at least i know i got friends who are way superior to you who have two more defining qualities which you would never possess. patience and the understanding that not everyone regardless of age is the same. if you dont treat kids this way, then jolly well dont treat ANYONE else in the SAME way. wtf srsly. doesnt mean everyone older than you is smarter and everyone younger than you is more stupid?!

sometimes i just cant help but think, if you had a less fortunate background, i would gladly pay to see you suffer when you deal with those around you. to work your way up the ladder, gaining and earning respect from people. one day if you lead a group of people, you'll find that it'll be hell for you to earn their respect. because your superiority complex shows. you walking around with your nose in the air comes off more obviously than you think it does. you judging that other people are dumb, and even when you completely miss the point they are talking about.

then agin, i think im dumb. but its hard to improve intellectual capacity as you grow older. hear hear. im just lazy. period.

2010-12-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

so, if you're mad, get mad

dont hold it all inside

come on and talk to me now

hey, what you've got to hide?

i get angry too

well, i'm a lot like you.

yes i'm a lot like you.

being happy on the outside cannot control the turmoil inside forever. it's just hard. yet to not be happy would mean letting a lot of people who depend on ur happiness down. it's just so hard to be there for everybody and yet accept that no one is there for you.

why cant people sense other peoples moods? isnt it easy? till now, i can safely say i have a >90% hit rate at telling how other people feel, tho sometimes i dont care and pretend i dont know. yet few can tell how i feel. its just weird.

maybe i shld have taken psychology instead. human body language and emotion predictor course. lol

oldies are goodies. (:

book reading day tmw!

this post is freaking random, but surmises my day

and thanks for that wonderful treat today! tho u 100% dont know my blog. gtg back to that restaurant sometime soon man. <3

2010-12-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

it's funny how things which you dont want to be known for gets found out so easily and things which you want to be credited for will always remain elusive.

it's funny how people get misunderstood so easily, simply because other people believe what they want to believe, so no amount of convincing short of killing the person would change their mind.

it's funny how people are so nice to you when they need something from you and so cold when you need something from them, even if it means just lending a listening ear.

funny world.

this week is going to be short, i can feel it. and the dreaded camp looms over my shoulders again. when can i shake it all off?

2010-12-17T09:09:00.000-08:00

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you been gone

since you've been gone.

2010-12-13T08:02:00.000-08:00

1 yr to go 1 yr to go, actly less than that.

army's half gone now. but to hell with that.

i've toned down a lot from my younger days. less impulsive, really way less. yet i find a quality which i used to possess that really, i can only find minor traces of it now. that is, sad to say?, being a nerd.

i dont know why i've lost interest in most things academic, yet at times when i devote myself to a topic, i would not rest until the thirst for knowledge is satisfied. it reminds me time and again that I still have this quality in me, it's just that I'm always distracted by everything else around me.

i should start and claim back this trait. sigh. yet i still want to retain my adventurous self! whatever happened to jumping down a flight of stairs just to slap ur friend's back. or saying "stand up for singapore" when the teacher walks in!

whatever happened to reading a history textbook in p2! or spending one afternoon, reading a book without distractions! or sitting at popular(then) and reading and reading!

i dont really like current self, but i will change.

back to the same old. full circle

2010-12-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

dont people ever realize that there's a limit to everything. maybe what my friend said about me not being able to express how i feel openly is true. many a time i should have said outright what i wanted to say. why then am i afraid to hurt others if others aren't afraid to hurt me.

in sec 3, i was told at ccal camp, that observing and listening were starkly different from seeing and hearing. i was told to be mindful of others, taught to be sensitive and inculcated a trait of putting others before oneself.

now as i look back, all these values have brought me more suffering than joy. yeah it's a joy to give than to receive. fuck that. who's there to listen to me when i need it. seriously, i cannot find someone who listens to me as intently, and who is as readily available as me. is it that hard to really put urself in someone else's shoes? the few who really bother listening to me are usually busy, no blame on them tho.

i guess im just sick of giving in every time, being a yes man. from now on, it's a zero sum game. listen to me and i'll listen to you. if i listen to you and you dont listen to me, that's the end. and yeah, i can totally see how it'll work out already.

in the end, i'll still give in. fuck.

2010-11-26T08:45:00.001-08:00

SPECS SPOILT. BENT DURING ICCT. (N) now i have to find some place to repair my specs coz my neighbourhood shop closed down. sigh. economic downturn?? i tot it was an upturn..

anw. weekly update. this week is 5 x ICCT = 5ICCT = 5IT(C^2) = SHAG. i bet all you were wondering what i'd do with the letters. hahaha ABSOLUTELY NOTHING :D

i think we ran abt 20k this week. did i dunno, 200 pullups or sth. and defn a shit load of other pt. SIGH. damn tired, from head to toe, for real. not kidding.

going to apply BTT tmw. hope to finish the whole damn thing before june nxt year. heard the wait is damn frickin long. but oh well.

next year wallaby again, confirmed 3 weeks there. not confirmed if its going to be 6 weeks. ): sigh. going to be longgg.

queensland dont wanna reply me!!!! whyyyyyy!

nvm next week = 1 yr countdown. (Y)

2010-11-19T19:45:00.001-08:00

the new skin looks gay ttm but waddaheck. im too lazy to search around :D

2010-11-19T19:25:00.001-08:00

na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na

mcr love!

this week was one heck of a PT week. i think tired is quite an understatement. super tired probably meets the cut. just started reading a new book. i think army's the period where i've learnt the most life lessons. sigh. tough.

one year countdown to ord is just around the corner. much as i hate to admit it, i somehow have this feeling i'll miss a part of army when it's over. hm.

shall try harder. accept and hope to be accepted. it's going to be a heck of a year ahead. tough tests and one more overseas trip.

on a side note. 2 unis accepted me. waiting for one more? or 2 hopefully? not sure how long to wait before accepting?

new sgts in camp. some old faces. hope this would mean a better life for all of us?

one more year. go me go me

2010-11-17T01:47:00.001-08:00

1 year more to ord. a lot of things happened this year, i think i'll do a reflection more towards december. it's been really one heck of a year. hopefully next year would be better? less tiring i hope. ><

2nd year soldier soon, new sgts are here. if posted to my coy hopefully they make life better and not worse for us. hopefully.

yeah still posting on this blog until i have time to get myself a diary, probably starting next year only. next couple of days look to be tiring. hopefully soc training isnt THAT tiring ><

looking forward to break btwn xmas and new year and another one for new year :)

may next year be a great one.

god i need someone in my life to talk to.

2010-11-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

i have decided to keep a diary, since 90% of the stuff i wanna say is just way to sensitive. and well putting a password on posts kinda just makes it look like i want people to read it when i dont. sooooo a diary's for me (: where i can write down my deep dark secrets (: might just post here once in a while... haha oh well i will buy myself a diary (: and a nice nice one at that! (:

sooo bye blog (: and thanks to the few people who talked to me today including my best from brunei (: miss you man. come back soon! (: and to the few who decided to waste their smses on me (: ty! (:

2010-11-11T06:32:00.001-08:00

its been a sad day. ):

2010-11-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

long time no post. shall do it tmw

lots of thoughts

sleep first! (:

2010-10-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

hell can do wonders to the human mind. one month plus of being in a company line did just that. tough training aside, i guess i really did get a chance to take a real good long look at myself as a person and find out my stark flaws. i just hope that in the future i dont have to go through such a scenario to find out more about myself again.

the last one month has been well, tough. perhaps the toughest one mth of my life by far. i guess it may as well be the first time i was just an inch away from being depressed. as in depression. it was something like a flashback to when i was younger. when being in gep meant u were ostracized. in here, being in jc meant that u were ostracized. being new in the company also meant that you will be ostracized. and well sometimes also blamed for things which u never did. and although it may be all just for fun, it rubbed off me in a wrong way and perhaps i was too sensitive, considering how i ended up being posted there in the first place and the reasons why i was chosen was really, well, enough to make me pissed off.

i guess the tough training made me think back to who was really close to me. thanks to the select few who kept me company thru the late nights where i couldn't fall asleep. i think without you all i would have probably really became depressed. but also i think well, i now finally know who i can count on in times where my mental strength is weak. never have i missed my family and certain friends so much. and sometimes it's just the small things that you all do which lifts my spirits up.

i also learnt perhaps certain skills required for my profession in the future, one main one being communication. i realize that i've been living in too sheltered a world for some time now. perhaps since the day i was born. the society which i grew up in made me able to communicate to people very easily. most of the times, the tough nuts could be controlled from a position of leadership/authority. but here now, as a man and not a commander, the perspective which i had long forgotten was retaught to me, albeit in a hard way.

i guess, sometimes we all really need a hard lesson to learn things about ourselves, we always say to not take things for granted, but we perhaps need to go through a period of toughness which we never experienced before so that we can finally understand why we cannot take such people around us for granted. to cherish the joy i have at home and with my friends, i had to first experience pain and mental suffering.

and really, i dont want to do it again.

2010-08-28T07:21:00.001-07:00

should you do what you think is right, regardless of the repercussions?

should you forgive someone who has done you a grave wrong or take revenge?

should you tolerate biasness against you or just 'suck it up'?

by saying yes to the above, are you a complete idiot or are you just mr. magnanimous?

sigh

2010-08-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

haha reading lots of comics nowadays and sometimes, after reading mangas, i just feel that people shld read some jap mangas and srsly learn some moral values/principles/whatnot. hai this world is srsly a bit screwed.

and around me, i find friendships getting more and more hypocritical. just superficial. but maybe, just maybe it's me.

i srsly love that comic.. (:

2010-07-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

one step forward and two steps back

life is like a hurricane...

being a kid is all i want to be right now. haha so much for ndp vid showing a kid that wants to grow up. we just miss whatever we cannot take back. whatever we cannot do twice.

this is one life im living and one life i will live.

there just isnt a 2nd chance for everything...

2010-07-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

it's really a cold place outside the comfort of home.

maybe tts why im having apprehensions and doubts about going overseas to pursue my studies, its almost equivalent to just leaving all behind and starting a brand new life. family, friends. i dont know if im able to leave it just like that. okay maybe not friends, but family?

these weeks in army, im just starting to learn more about my platoon people. perhaps its because i dont feel empowered hence i didnt bother understanding them in the first place. but now that i know, i just find it awkward to strike up a convo or to even continue a convo with them. at least well, a couple still remain fine to talk to. most others really have 2 sides to them.

i guess, if anything, i found out that im the kinda person who finds motivation from empowerment. and it's easier for me to motivate myself when im given an appointment compared to having to work my way to the appointment in the first place.

now, i just hope i can prepare myself mentally to go overseas for that period of time. its long.

ciao.

2010-06-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

haha it just really seems as if the hecticness in my life doesnt end. then again, i guess most of it is self-caused.

on one hand, i always want more time for myself, on the other hand, i still wanna go out on weekends to chill. seems like i am still unable to find the balance btwn me and others. haha is that a good thing or bad, i guess it's for me to find out.

this weekend was spent with my parents, finally got myself one of those cheapo long sleeved cotton solid black t-shirts, hehe. and i think i kinda finally realized how skinny i am. hai. doesnt look good. i need a BIT more meat. hahaha

tmw will be the first outfield in some time now, not the last that's for sure. but i think, tho im in deep shit coz i really forgot a lot of the stuff that i've learnt, im ready to make the best of my remaining life here. given up the thought of going to band, i think i'll just make myself a very very combat and physically fit soldier (: my aim is to clear SOC and IPPT with ease, something which apparently is easy to do.. ahhah

fittest i've been since army started, yeah even fitter than bmt. and i intend to maintain this.

i guess life has gotten tougher, this year can well be said as my most exciting year so far. so many things going on in my life and well, i'm still living through it.

on a side note, i guess i've made more closer friends this year. planning who to meet on weekends really adds the depth in relationships. something that i guess was lacking in the other 90% of relationships i've had in the past years.

i'll make sure i treasure the things i have prepared in my head (:

and adding on, thanks to those who have been with me for this year (:

cheerios! jungle here i come (: sign extra lo!

2010-06-14T05:07:00.000-07:00

ah 40 sar tmw. with an interview at 5pm. it's going to be a hectic day and i can already feel it in my veins. i think the term "life-changing experience" is way too applicable this year with the fact that my 12years of education has ended. and now whatever i do would literally change my life.

just saw the interview panel for tomorrow ): it's freaking me out.

chill chill chill (Y)

breathe in and out. i think i need my bunk mates to save me tmw. sigh.

life! love it. <3

2010-06-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

hellooooo, ah ha many thigns happened this week, of which i think some i'll just keep to myself.. haha nothing bad in the very least ^^

discovered some links on singapore death penalty AGAIN! and the recent msian case.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/libertycentral/2010/may/18/singapore-death-penalty-drug-dealer

http://www.ihrablog.net/2009/03/singapore-defends-its-right-to-beat-and.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jun/05/singapore-policy-drugs-bay

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2010/06/ihra-rebuts-spores-defence-of-harsh-drug-laws/

nice lah.

next week is going to be quite happening as well ^^

lets hope all goes well sia

time to relook my life in ns. haha time to be garang again? (:

cheerios!

armour infantry here i come :D

2010-06-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

haha it's been quite a while since post-alevel stuff started, and it's still on, but at least it's the final one this time (: i must say i'm seriously thankful for all the chances and opportunities i've been given and the course and unit i went to. surely, ocs wouldnt be as nice...

now it's the final leg. another milestone ends this week. haha, and i've been waiting for it for sometime now.

so many things happened this week, hah. im so glad i still have some energy in me. to get thru each day this week is just draining, not so much physically as it is mentally. happy to be able to have people around me 24/7, it's as if they are telepathic and rotate shifts as if it was all premeditated. thanks man.

last week before pop, signaller officially now, bandsman again soon? i certainly hope so, becoz i think in the end, that's where my heart lies, after 6 yrs, i think i lie more as a member than a leader. u really do get more fun as a member. (:

and today, its time to sleep.

im all ready for the next week. haha

2010-05-28T10:35:00.001-07:00

its a wonder that even with the amount of free time i have in army after lessons and all, weekends are still precious moments. every week, we never fail to whine about how many more days to book out and all that crap about getting mc and all. even with the immense increase in the amount of freedom since recruit days, somehow crossing the physical barrier (the fence) btwn camp and the outside world seems to make a whole lot of difference to me.

perhaps its the regimentation and discipline that we have to uphold in camp that makes me feel confined, but its the army and well, i guess traditions are hard to change. somehow though, i think that perhaps this strict regimentation should be kept to in the recruit days, after the pop, perhaps a less clear line should be drawn btwn ranks. it may come with cons, certainly, but i do think that it would be easier for the men to communicate their thoughts to the commanders and perhaps even improve the system.

haha enuf abt army..

applying for course tmw. sigh, i should have studied... 2As just will make life harder when applying for uni, its funny how everyone around me says "sure get in" but im the only one who knows that it is risky with just 2As and entry is almost certainly academic based.

i just hope the scholarship would boost my entry chances.

looking back on the last 18 years of schooling, and looking currently at a 2year pause in education, i must say as cliche as it sounds, that i miss school life. the stuff that we do, events that we organize and all. school wasnt really just about acads to me, in fact it never was, haha. and i must say i never regretted any one bit of time that i could have, and should have devoted to studying. because i know i would rather have memories to treasure down the years then to just remember school as a place where i buried my face in books (facebook) everyday.

now in the army, at elast i got some good relations with some of my mates. it doesnt matter if i hate 35/40 people. what matters to me is that at least i know i have people to get me through tough times. and well, humans really have to go thru shit to realize how important certain relationships are. being appreciative without going thru shit just wont make the cut.

sigh.

2010-05-27T09:30:00.001-07:00

picking up on reading slowly, haha completed a book this week, predictably irrational! it's a fantastic book i must say. and the first time i completed a non-fiction book in one shot over the week, without switching to other books.

yep, bought my psp, super ex, now my bank is in a deficit for this month and i gotta live on budget meals! yes i shall! but prince of persia is outtttt ><

nvm, this week i will attempt to read 2 books to increase my reading pace! one fiction one non-fiction (:

long weekend, and today's national eat with ur family day! and i ate with my family! ^^ tho we had a damn hard time finding somewhere to eat in orchard without reservations first ):

army is getting to be quite an interesting place, besides for the fact that there are buggers in the platoon whom u cant help but want to shoot with a rifle, the conversations i've been having have been quite interesting and insightful, like how I got to see things from people whom I didnt really have the chance to mingle with in my life before? mmhmm, hope it continues this way!

guard duty nxt sun! am looking forward yet apprehensive, its a 24 hr duty. not sure what to expect. but all i know is that it'll be shag-edelic.

human behaviour and social trends have begun to capture more of my interest lately, shall read up more on such stuff, interesting to find out the ways humans tick.

i realize that every new paragraph says sth completely irrelevant to the previous, ahha but its almost 1am and tiredness is settling down, whaddya expect... hahaha

okay time to sleep, shall meet up with some great people and even greater people this weekend (:

tata!

2010-05-02T03:49:00.000-07:00

first time watching a movie alone.. hmm. it was quite a new experience for me. ip man and iron man in 2 days with dinner and lunches outside, plus a concert.

im broke.

time to save and think abt the coming week. hard times ahead i forsee.

help me someone.

2010-04-29T18:52:00.001-07:00

getting it is one thing. making sure it goes all the way through is another. you cant apply to this course coz you're an international student and the course is funded by the NHS? o.O i dont get it. then why the webpage puts international students are welcome? lol? sigh i need more advice on applications. and everyone's in army, i only book out on weekends. how the shit am i supposed to get more information... hopefully unit life would entail more freedom. hopefully.

2010-04-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

life.

go smoothly.

please?

2010-04-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

time to go back in tomorrow. time to get readjusted.

see some old faces, some of which i rather not see. hoping the new faces would be much better. hope to be able to catch the concerts still. hopefully. sigh.

should sleep now.

someone help me.

do i sound disillusioned in any way to you?

epiphany of the day: just how many true friends do you have? i think i've close to 0

2010-04-17T04:57:00.000-07:00

i dont know whether to call it an epiphany or what not. the word i'm trying to find is continually eluding me.

today i was talking to some of my frens and again we came across the topic of ns. after all what is there to do when you're a guy and you're 18.. so came across the topic of ocs and what not and i found myself saying, in a nutshell, the following:

i've been out of service for 3weeks plus due to an operation, seems like the wound is healing well but still itchy if i walk to long or sweat. after all it's an open wound. and i've got a letter recommended by the doctor to let me hav mc for another period of time till the wound fully heals. here's the thing, because i missed certain events due to hospitalization and the operation, naturally i did not get posted to command school. and of course i can blame no one. the mindset that i have on right now is whether i should just do the bare minimum since im no longer en route to becoming a sergeant or an officer or should I just continue to do my best in my vocation. certainly taking mc for another period of time seems very very tempting, and there's no doubt about it. but what's been bugging me is that i've never had this mindset before.

i'm being bugged by the fact that i hardly used to just think of slacking off everything. otherwise i would have quit band in sec 1 lol. to me now, it's as if just because im not in a position of power, i should slack because i dont like to be in the middle of nowhere. i attribute it to being disillusioned during bmt. where many people cant tell the very fine but stark difference between being resilient, having a fighting spirit and knowing how to listen to your own body. the first day was marked with safety and every event we did had safety as first priority. yet just because a lot of people report sick for the same reason does not equate to everyone being a slacker. and i know this because i trust in my friends to not lie about their condition, yet those who were supposed to command us could not tell real cases and fake cases apart. and even if it was hard to tell us apart, there surely could be a benefit of doubt given since this jolly well concerns a person's future health and well being. i attribute this whole experience i had to make me reconsider whether i should still do my best for people who dont even bother to differentiate "chaokeng" and real cases. partly i must admit that i want to slack of just because im not in that position of power. im not refuting anything on that. i know of myself to be the type who would do better if placed in a position of power. it just feels like you can do something about it and in the army context, all the more true it is. a private's word against a lieutenant. who wins?

if you've read thru that incoherent junk on top, thanks. and i just hope u dont think im some power hungry bastard. i just want to relook at the way im thinking and see if it's justified. should i give my all now?

2010-04-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

some people are just so fucked up. period. your personal life is 1000x more fucked up than mine and you want to comment on mine. hope you die during training you fucker.

2010-04-07T07:39:00.001-07:00

been watching movies day in and out. haha trying to watch all the ones that are heart warming. (:

definitely.maybe (Y) i give it a 4/5 (: superbly heart warming tho the start was a bit awkward... nvr heard a 9-10 yr old girl say like such stuff o.O

but here's an excerpt.. (:

Will Hayes: Will you... um... marry me?
April: No. What do you mean, 'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
Will Hayes: Oh! Oh, my God.
April: You should've got on your knee.
Will Hayes: Just shut up! Here - I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.

the joie de vivre part is kinda amusing.. haha the underlined part is my personal fave line (:

ppl who dint watch this should watch this (:

tmw will be on the bucket's list :D another heart warmer :D

2010-04-05T21:04:00.001-07:00

"You know, after Rachael left for college, there was a hole. I mean, you know, no more homework, no more Little League, recitals, school plays, kids crying, fights, skinned knees. And for the first time in 40 years, I looked at Virginia without all the noise, without all of the the distractions, and I couldn't remember what it felt like when I could not walk down the street without holding her hand... We'd lost something along the way" - The Bucket List.

2010-04-05T05:38:00.001-07:00

"I wish you would just show up on my doorstep. Not with anything special, just you. And when I’d open the door you’d smile and while I’m trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing here you’d tell me how hard the past months have been, how much you’ve thought about me, how much you regretted everything. And then you’d take me into your arms and ask me to forgive you and I would without hesitation. Then you’d grab my face and kiss me the way you used to and everything would be perfect again"

quoted.

2010-04-05T04:47:00.000-07:00

you dont know the consequences of your action until you've taken that step forward. there's not really a lot of things that can be initially classified into black and white is there? most of them fall into the grey area. and thereafter, the grey area turns into either white or black.

this year hasnt really started off on a right footing. but hoping that i'll get back on the right track soon enough. hoping that i'll get those things that i wished for. wasnt easy to get close. yet it still seems so far. hoping efforts will pay off. there's a lot of hope these days. but well, hope can only do so much. 2 things left and i hope they'll all go my way.

and if i could turn back the hands of time, i guess now i would have wanted it to go differently. but it still makes me glad to see everything going so well (:

ah. on a different note, i've gotten the whole jodi picoult set thus far. wanting the 7th Alex Rider series... but no $$ expensive sia the books. and jodi picoult isnt chick lit. >:(

bye world (: time to continue reading. and my, i'm treasuring my time these days. freedom never felt so good. (:

2010-03-31T19:39:00.000-07:00

Many times I've lost my hope
Forgot the reason why I started searching
I couldn't remember all my dreams
Couldn't see the beauty surrounding me

Take another deep breath
Don't look down
Keep your eyes closed
Let your dream completely take over

I know that I would never fall
I haven't come this far to quit right now
To give up here and now

I will give it one more try
Try to get closer to the sky
The time hasn't come for me to leave this place
How can I surrender here when my vision is so clear
I just have to reach, reach a little longer
Reach a little longer

Passing through life with no faith
Unaware of the world around
Try to recall why I came
Try to remember why I'm here

lets go lets go lets go. lets hope it all straightens out. all will be fine right? right?

2010-03-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

nvr thought i would be the one lying down. always thought i would be the one standing there instead. needa take care of myself.

hope its all fine. hoping everything will go well. tried my best. now just wait for results.

2010-03-13T04:52:00.000-08:00

its tiring. manz. u know how much it is when all 61 guys start crying with the mere mention of the sentence "loved ones wrote you a letter of encouragement" i swear the tears could've cleaned our faces spotlessly clean.

haha but well finally i think people get the meaning of "dont take things for granted" it's not a nice feeling really... bittersweet.

hopefully i'll be fighting fit by this week. sigh.

and hopefully all else goes well.

2010-03-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

im srsly going crazy. just hope it all will go smoothly in the end. there's no time.

time time. need time.

sigh.

2010-02-27T18:58:00.001-08:00

"Born empty handed,
Die empty handed.
I witnessed life at its fullest,
Empty handed."
-- Marlo Morgan

2010-02-21T00:18:00.000-08:00

2nd week! army is not bad! fitness going up and getting slimmer :D made new buddies! booking back today! going to be a busy week up ahead. but perhaps all these tough trainings and being away from home 5-5 1/2 days away from home made me treasure the weekends more or rather made me treasure freedom and small things we take for granted more.

life has been great so far! tho dips come along quite often but i guess well, u cant have a great life without sucky moments (:

bookin 2045! shall prepare for a tough but exciting week ahead! (:

cheerios!

2010-02-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

They say there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. After these 8 days, i guess whats more important is to just simply use your eyes to follow the perfect arch of the rainbow with its b-e-a-u-tiful colours. (: who cares what's at the end? Enjoy the process and the end will definitely. Definitely be wonderful (: and well it doesnt matter where u start really. so long as you continue all the way till where you initially wanted to end. coz usually your initial aim is the highest aim you have as no hardship has come across your way yet (:

So aim for the moon, such that when you miss, you'll still land amongst the stars (:

I guess I should be neutral about SATs, since its an average/slightly below average score >.> and i didnt do much practice anyway -.- so yay for me (: and well 3 days of hols? Shall enjoy it (: as usual :D

today's quote of the day

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

2010-02-04T04:01:00.000-08:00

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

2010-02-04T03:45:00.000-08:00

we will be friends...as long as stars tinkle in the sky...as long as angels are there up high...til the oceans run dry and til the day i die

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

2010-02-03T05:46:00.001-08:00

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

2010-02-03T05:44:00.001-08:00

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

2010-01-30T19:30:00.000-08:00

How easy it is to remember someone for what he had done wrong. how hard to remember what he had done right.

see the goodness in people. perhaps the world would be a better place then. (:

harp on the strengths of your teammates more than their weaknesses. then the job may be done faster and better. as much as you scold someone for things they do wrong, don't forget to compliment them for things they do right.

ever experienced how when u get 98/100, first thing ur mom says is what happened to that 2 marks and scolds u for being careless? i think, a better mom would have complimented you on getting 98/100 instead of harping on the 2 marks.

after all, nobody's perfect. the more you try to be perfect, the more of a nobody you become.

2010-01-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

u know the old saying goes

当局者迷，旁观者清。

but have u ever felt this way

当局者请，旁观者迷。

no one is as clear about the whole event as compared to you.

but i guess that's what matters isn't it. your conscience is clear and you know full well the outcomes and the consequences if there are any. so even if the whole world is against you, if you think what you're doing is what you want to do or if you think you're not in the wrong anywhere whatsoever, just do it. of course thinking you're not in the wrong seems easy enough when you're deluding yourself, so do make sure you're really NOT in the wrong.

on another note, it's quite surprising how fast people misinterpret your actions. from something vague, they can jump straight to conclusions and start questioning you about it. when you havent the faintest idea what did you do wrong.

you know, sometimes when life gives me lemons, oh how i wish i could take the lemons and squeeze the juices straight into the eyes of those around me. maybe it'll help them see clearer.

a great start to a great weekend. ironically my last weekend before ns. <3

GP compre qn 1.

from the last line, suggest the author's tone towards his life.

_______________________________________

2010-01-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

4 days of camp! man haha at last i get to be a pseudo psl.. it was a throughly enriching experience, not to mention a real fun one too! haha 1E2 is some bombz class. totally can see them become great people in the future. the only regret i had was that i didnt get to do a proper debrief today before they went home, rather no one did. so yeah, perhaps sth that can be improved on in the programme i guess. haha

taking charge of them just makes the sec 1 days come back.. fun, innocent, with 99% of the world still unexplored. haha now the world is just like, half cold, half practical, half pragmatic, half of all the crap that never existed when we were younger. haha perhaps naivety is not a bad thing after all eh.. haha.

they so nice, haha you cant bear to shout at them.. interestingly, they never will really climb over ur head. they know when to be serious, when to be quick, when to relax, when to be talkative. unlike other classes xD haha how can u bear to shout at such kids!

but the best part was when they wrote a card with like me and des "good" attributes on it haha touching sia!! :D and asked me to watch their skit tmw, which unfortunately i cant go ): sighz. oh well! life's tough sometimes.. and on a random note, some of them happen to be my cousin's frens o.O and one of them may be tat wai sis! o.O

it's a small world after all..

tell me that the "it's a small world" song wasnt playing in ur head..

great fun great fun! 1E2 <3!

2010-01-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

new playlist (: oldies <3!

on the other hand, the first song you'll listen to is posted below, i think its a great song. dedicated to the unsung heroes in our lives. those people who just helped us here and there and are often there whenever they are needed. surely there must be people like that in your life. well, it's one of the few songs with meaningful lyrics (: pls do enjoy! and the singer is well, awesome.

reminds me of quite a few people i guess (: thanks to all of you, for being the wind beneath my wings (:

love ya!

2010-01-19T02:00:00.001-08:00

work is tiring. period. well at least what i'm doing is tiring, maybe i found it extra tiring because it's something which i dont enjoy doing.. it's like and as if i'm doing things which other people do not want to do, the so-called, saigang/dirty work/time wasters etc. and yet it is part of the corporate ladder which i'm supposed to climb. so i shldnt complain, but i cant help but think what am i doing here when i could have made better use of my time reading a book or studying for sats. then when i come back, i'm already tired and not in the optimum studying mood. but nvm, at least i get to see more of the profession i like, so hopefully, i can weigh the pros and cons of the profession more easily in time to come.

on the other hand, the TKGS sch camp was fun, tho i found myself at a complete loss on how to debrief a team after an activity. Perhaps it's because I dont listen to such debriefs myself. find it a complete waste of time.now i understand how tiring it can be to get the attention of people. but the children were nice, they taught me lessons on teamwork, which ironically i'm supposed to teach them.

tired, shall nap 30mins and hope flu goes away.

bye

2010-01-15T06:19:00.000-08:00

i resolve to:

1. keep an account of my daily expenses! i created this cool spreadsheet! hhaha okay its like basic excel but wtheck, it's my first spreadsheet :D hahaha so im proud of it :D

2. plan my schedule like a professional :D and know my schedule! so nthing clashes :D

thats all :D life rocks nowadays! haha why cant studying be liddat ):

2010-01-12T06:27:00.001-08:00

no idea how to embed this. but it sure brings back some good times.

http://video.nate.com/clip/view?video_seq=200712786

sigh youtube dun have alr. copyright. lmao.

work.

2010-01-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

if you're lost you can look and you'll find me..

time after time.

if you fall i will catch you; i'll be waiting,/

time after time.

i think recently i've like thought a bit about one of the problems thats been bugging me for a long time. and i've come to a small conclusion! well not the full conclusion since that question isnt meant to have a definite answer but one that evolves with time? haha i mean the question is "who am i" so u cant be just one person ur whole life right? so there's no definite answer per se!

but anw. yep i come to 2 small little conclusions. since my hols were quite eventful, i must say it sorta opened my eyes to see myself deeper. i guess the first conclusion i have can be aptly summarized by this statement.. it's like the intel slogan. "i'm kinda extroverted on the outside but introverted on the inside".. to put it in a different way, its kinda how i know people a lot more compared to how much people know about me. it's how people can open up to me but i cant really open up to anyone. yeah i rant and rave and bitch but i dont tell just anyone my real problems. and maybe not anyone at all. so after years with some friends, they dont know me as well as i know them? yeah thats my first conclusion. haha

2nd. i think its fated for me to love rather than to be loved. haha unfortunate or not is for me to find out in due time. i just feel that i cant cherish any love that is given to me? or maybe it's because i never received love before? well the latter seems impossible unless my mom/dad/bro hates me. so well maybe i just cant cherish/reciprocate love. or maybe i dont want to. but that is for me to conclude another time too!

so these 2 small small conclusions. haha and i think the 2 attachments i've been doing makes me wanna do medicine more.. i really cant stand admin work. i mean i can stand and watch an operation for 12hrs and not feel tired but the moment i start admin work i just crash and burn. hahaha medicine? haha pharmacy seems less of an option now. not that i dont like it. just that there's a shit load of admin >> medicine admin.. unless i become a clinical pharmacist. i mean i just want to be in healthcare and not admin healthcare. the interactive healthcare with patients, hands-on and everything but admin hahahaha

well i shall give it more thought.. for now.. sats ):

2010-01-10T02:20:00.001-08:00

im truly not an academic. haha i'd so prefer to be out in the open, and not confined. while sometimes being at home is indeed peaceful, more often than not, it's always as if some part of me would long and yearn to step out of house. of course that is a trait that i'll have to keep in check, or my pocket would have a big hole in it before long. haha

i guess this holidays have been one of the most eventful holidays i ever had in many years. more eventful than perhaps even on years where i go overseas. i guess i am finally understanding the meaning of the word "maximizing one's life". doing the things we want to do, and feeling a sense of satisfaction and gratification from it. surely there's nothing better in this world than that. for the first time, the things i do are not compelled or instigated by people around me or by circumstances. i can more or less say that i throughly enjoyed the events i had on in december and for january. and haha im content with myself for that (:

army's coming soon! excited yet apprehensive at the same time? not sure what to expect. people seem to be doing fine in army so i guess it should be okay. haha need to catch up with some of them soon! (:

also, on a separate note, sudden realization that after december 30th, i'm kinda finally officially putting down band. mixed feelings, sad/happy at the same time. the 6yrs were filled with both regrets and triumphs. i cant say that i've not enjoyed it, yet if i were to be honest, i cant say that it's the best thing that happened to me so far. there were better things certainly. but i guess i can say band had been one hell of a rollercoaster ride, albeit mostly in the darkness. sometimes, it's akin to the thrill and exhilaration of going down so quickly yet for a fair bit of time, it was as boring as slowly going up the slope. then there's always the suspense where u wont know when you'll start going down again! that's band. haha a love-hate relationship. thanks to those who've put up with my constant nonsense and what not. thanks to all my exco members. thanks to the wonderful juniors i had. thanks to other musical group ccals who were my best company whenever there's stuff to rant abt, i.e. syf and like how mg are under-represented/recognized. haha i'll miss band. surely. but i guess it's time to find another interest of mine. haha bye to my 3 wives who each lasted 2 years. should have named y'all.. damnn xD and bye to all the members! haha. just see who i've played for/in for the past 6 years.. RIMB, RJCSB/RSB haha, RISE (for a couple of pracs), raffles chorale, RWinds :D haha really, this trip was made wonderful by y'all. so now i think, i'll close a chapter of my life (: and am i glad it ended on a high note :D <3

so i guess that practically summarizes my 2mths of hols and what occupied most of my life in 6yrs. of coz i could talk abt more.. but let's not get too sentimental here! surely u can put together my journey if you would go read the archives... ahaha

so what's next? army! and my only chance to fulfill my biggest wish yet. medicine. haha well. i've got one try which i'm gonna give my all. (: i've never wanted anything so badly before haha and i can still remember the ccal camp speaker and i quote him, "When you really want something, the entire universe will conspire to fulfill your desire" haha not the exact phrasing, but i guess the gist and meaning is there!

so well, that's it. haha havent had that long a post in a while.. back to sat's mugging and reading books (:

life's finally got a meaning.

2010-01-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I'm wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore

dedicated to those who are trying to lead a life they want to lead, but fate has them placed in a life they dont want to lead. and to those who are still trying to do their best in that situation. i salute you

2010-01-02T05:03:00.000-08:00

this brings back memories (:

wonder if it's still in use..

2010-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

I've been through the dark side too.

but what can i do?

i'll try to understand. try to see it from your pov.

i'm at a loss. for the first time in quite a while now

who'll stand by me?

2009-12-31T06:58:00.001-08:00

new year resolutions:

1. gain courage to do the things i like without others changing the way i feel.

2. be less involved in the worldly affairs of those around me.

3. find myself.

its 2010 in roughly 1hr time. no reflections on 2009. like every year there's the ups and downs. happiness and sadness. it's not been particularly sad/happy. just okay.

2010? i hope it'll be the best year yet. many life changing events are set. hopefully all goes well.

happy new year

2009-12-26T08:54:00.001-08:00

identity crisis

2009-12-26T04:39:00.000-08:00

hm in this age of affluence? we assume each other to have what we deem as ubiquitous to our life. like an mp3. a phone with a coloured screen. a computer. the television. haha but who's going to remember the days when we didnt have any of these luxuries? or perhaps you're one of the lucky souls who was born with a silver spoon in your mouth. no offense meant, but it's just kind of 2nd nature for us to assume that we all are affluent now. but such 2nd nature makes us lose our sensitivity to those around us.

maybe it's coz of the nature of our school, where mostly the students are quite well to do? so it seems all normal when we see each other with an iPod, a Macbook, some kind of touch phone, and not to mention it's normal for us to see each other's handphone change every so often.

but i kinda got a shock when mixing arnd with non-school friends, u really get to see people from all walks of life. so certain assumptions i had of people in school were proven wrong. u see people using black and white phones, shoes all torn and tattered. and when asked where to eat, the answer is without fail, hawker fare.

so yeah i think people who are used to seeing affluence all around them should take a step out and mix around with other people who might not be so well off. it doesnt take an OBS camp or a trip to a developing country to teach us to not take things for granted. just mixing around with more people and taking a look at the suburbs of our very own country can teach us a lot of things that we surely can learn about.

so take a look around. since well there are lessons to be learnt everywhere.

2009-12-25T04:23:00.000-08:00

merry christmas! well at least the phrase goes like that..

inflow of info from everyone, everywhere. i should take a step back. listen to my own stuff for once. havent been doing that for quite a while now. and no one listens to my stuff anw. soo might as well i listen to myself (:

and so i say byebye to those arnd me. for a while.

manipulation and cheating.

2009-12-24T01:25:00.000-08:00

christmas tomorrow.

it's been a bz month, a bz 2 years. everything's been bz. but worth it i suppose.

things have changed. (: for the better.

regrets. about not spending my time to its maximum. JC life seems to have not been maximized. but well? its over and for the first time i suppose i've been doing what i like to do and want to do. (: certain things of course cannot be accomplished at this point in time, but for now i'm content with the amount of activities i have on hand (:

merry xmas everyone (: let it be the best one yet (:

i love you (:

2009-12-24T00:29:00.000-08:00

wq... HI

yeah okay thats the end.

hahaha

2009-12-23T02:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me how to love
Walking through wintertime, the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On the mystery night

on another note,

Trust broken. It's kinda sad. How much one can take is so limited. Is our mental capability so weak that we give up the moment we fall? Have I vested my trust in the wrong people? We took a risk. It doesnt seem to be paying off.

But what is done cannot be undone can it? I just hope for the best.

Sorry.

2009-12-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

ah jan is coming!

many many more things to do

2009-12-17T04:33:00.000-08:00

just how many types of love can one show before being misunderstood? or is there just one type of love? or is it just the extent of love?

someone tell me!

somethings are just meant to happen only once.

2009-12-17T04:22:00.000-08:00

then

2009-12-15T21:39:00.000-08:00

it's getting hard to decide what exactly do i want to do in the future. nvm shall attach if i can to find out. (:

and well shall see if they even want me or rather if my results can make it hahaha

time to sleep after that helluva night! (:

nitenite!

2009-12-13T06:48:00.001-08:00

anw do chk out the music player to the left! :D hope you enjoy it!

2009-12-13T06:28:00.000-08:00

What is one man's life compared to the eternity of time and space? No more than a snowflake that glitters in the sun for a moment before melting into the flow of time.

In nature, humans and beasts, are all kin. Helping each other is the law of the living.

haha random stuff from a comic book i'm reading. called "buddha"

religion is indeed interesting. the many ideologies that are put across, the messages, makes me think about the society we're in at large and how much we have progressed. or regressed. from being able to sacrifice oneself for one's country to seeing national service as a form of a "time waster". maybe if we didnt have to make it big in life, and we weren't hammered with the "get good education, get scholarship, get good job, lead good life" mentality, maybe we wouldn't be working so much for self-interest. just maybe. but then again i've not seen much of the world so i wouldnt know for sure.

but dont u think that most of the things we're doing now is what we've been told to do? how many desires do you have? and of these, how many can be considered your own desire and not what ur parents/teachers/friends etc tell you to do? do you desire ur choice of course in university coz of ur dad and mom or because that's really ur interest?

pharm camp tmw, hopefully it'll tell me what i want to do. esp since after a real good attachment! i need to decideeeeee ): decisions decisions. but i've been told to get a good course in uni anw. so my decisions are still biased.

and is it true that all forms of discourse are biased? forgot the person that said this. good thing to think abt tho.

and of i go to pharm camp! not back till wed! tata people :D

hi jy (: yay one additional visitor!!! hahaha u get prize if u're my 10000th visitor!

2009-12-11T17:51:00.000-08:00

All i needed was the love you gave

All i needed for another day

And all I ever knew

Only you

one more one more!!

and the oirginal version

The Sunstreak - Until I Met You

i think its niceeee (Y)

learnt quite a bit this week! hopefully nxt week too! (: thanks to dr teoh! :D and the whole department :D

2009-12-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

again the book i read, it says a prayer should be a prayer of gratitude and not supplication. and that is why people think that prayers are not answered.

on another note, attachment's kinda fun, lets me know what i'm going to be going to in the future, but it made me realize that most likely in the future i would jump on the bandwagon where after work means head straight home to rest. mainly because i'll be tired from work. but it just hit me that there'll be no like after work life. not like school? where after studies there's cca and what not. after work? too tired to even play a sport perhaps. read a book? maybe? but the amount of human interaction would have gone down miserably and once again be forced to use MSN as a means of communication.

or am i just not seeing the whole picture here and actually working people do have a life?

oh well, worry about that some other time. for now i've got other things to worry abt.

Poli, poli, di umbuendo

2009-12-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

excerpt from the book im reading... (dont sue me for copyright pls!)

"I do not care what you do and that is hard for you to hear. Yet do you care what your children do when you send them out to play? is it a matter of consequence to you whether they play tag, or hide and seek, or pretend? No it is not, because you know they are perfectly safe. You have placed them in an environment which you consider friendly and very okay.

Of course, you will always hope that they do not hurt themselves. And if they do, you will be right there tot help them, heal them, allow them to feel safe again, to be happy again, to go and play again another day. But whether they choose hide and seek or pretend will not matter to you the next day, either.

You will tell them, of couse, which games are dangerous to play. But you cannot stop your children from doing dangerous things. Not always. Not forever. Not in every moment from now until death. It is the wise parent who knows this. Yet the parent never stops caring about the outcome. It is this dichotomy - not caring deeply about the process, but caring deeply about the result - that comes close to describing the dichotomy of God."

conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch.

interesting.

2009-12-07T08:19:00.001-08:00

sth that sparked my thought when reading. shall post tmw. tired..

attachment --> full of blood and gore. haha totally unlike games. you actually feel the pain the patient is going thru. sadly ):

wed thurs fri. time to build up some confidence and courage man

damn why is my guts so small.

2009-12-06T03:50:00.001-08:00

prom...

haha its over.

nxt part of life pls! (:

2009-12-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

master of sorrow

You can't hurt me this time,
I'm prepared for anything
You won't get that close now
I'm protected from your lies
Knowing what you will bring me
Knowing that I want no more

Won't fall again
I won't be fooled
This time my heart is strong
You are standing right before
The master of sorrow

once again, a signature saturday morning. unnecessary scoldings etc.

i love saturdays.

2009-12-03T02:24:00.001-08:00

dont dream it's over

2009-12-03T02:03:00.001-08:00

when you're down. I'll be there for you.

when i'm down. would you be there for me?

rather, would anyone? hah.

longing to find that someone perhaps.

on a second note, nxt week is going to be bz.. esp from this sat onwards >.> hopefully i'll enjoy these few days! go me! (:

2009-11-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

dun get it. yes i know you're earning ur own income, but i dun think thats a reason to stop me from getting sth nice to wear for prom right?

and im not going to argue over that "wear once" thing >.> ridiculous logic. obviously im not growing and i'll use it in the future.

so whatever. fine then i'll wear what i wore before to prom.

so much for prom.

2009-11-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

Kool & The Gang - Cherish
Uploaded by Kool-and-the-Gang. - Explore more music videos.

qns...

if there was a sense u had to lose, which would it be?

if there was an emotion u had to lose, which would it be?

can u imagine life without this emotion/sense? i.e. life without touch or anger or happiness?

then..

if u had to lose a best friend, which friend would it be? why that friend?

if there was one thing you could go back and redo, what would it be?

if there was one risk in the past you could have taken, what would it be?

2009-11-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

the original song

The game

haha lyrics

Close your eyes..
Take some time just to center your soul
And be at one
With the sky..
You can fly if you unfurl your wings
To face the sun

Every page..
You have turned in this book of your life
Has led you here
Every step..
That you take you grow closer to
Conquer any fear

Shoot for the moon!
If you miss you will still be among the stars
Don't ever stop!
If you never give up you are guaranteed to go far

Be your very own miracle
Just believe you can and you will
Have faith!
Every goal that you make is a chain you break
To set your spirit free

Dreams can come true!
But it depends on you and how strong you are
Don't ever stop!
If you never give up you are guaranteed to go far

Be your very own miracle
You can't win a race standing still
Go on!
Pick those beautiful feet up from off the floor
Rise and soar

haha i think i posted this somewhere before, cant remember, but well the song's nice and the lyrics are nice too (: enjoy!

2009-11-27T08:34:00.000-08:00

We live in a lonely life
all alone in a lonely fight
wondering if I'll be all right without you
all you needed was a second chance
a different song for a different dance
now I'm ready for a glance at life without you

if we're so young and free
why do you pressure me
why are you pushing me away
for all I've done for you
for all you've put me through
there's nothing left for me to say
but I...

promise you promise you that
promise I'll never change
promise you promise you that
that your heart will break

we live in a lonely life
die hard searching out the light
wondering if I'll live my life without you
these days keep on passing by
fallen girl wasting all my time
but it's cool knowing I'll be fine without you

2009-11-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

You always smile...
But in you eyes your sorrow shows

yes it shows.

2009-11-24T07:25:00.001-08:00

tired. but cant say i'm not enjoying it? or at least thats what i make myself believe.

so many things. so little time.

things i would like to do. things i have to do (even if i dont like some). and things which i cannot do.

tired now, but a while more before i sleep then. the night is beautiful today.

2009-11-21T05:55:00.000-08:00

few more days. and hope to have a fruitful holiday

2009-11-19T04:21:00.000-08:00

just found one of my childhood books (its chinese, btw) and looks cute lah, so shall post some of the quotes it has inside it.. its just a book with loads of pics and quotes.

我们都习惯

抬头四十五度

仰望天际

我们都要

尽量靠近光亮

让心情温暖

我不停的举手发问

却没有人

告诉我答案

伤心难过时

朋友怎么都刚好

消失无影

the pictures are nice, but cant scan in...

enjoy.

2009-11-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

When you reach for the stars, you may not get one, but you won't come up with a handful of mud, either

halfway through. halfway there. halfway from the end.

school really ends soon doesnt it?

whats after school? army?

no more place to hideaway from reality eh?

i'll miss school.

on a separate note

i jailbroke my phone :D

2009-11-15T04:32:00.000-08:00

just hate it when your parents are only nice to you during exam periods. other than that, they hardly, if ever care about ur studies.

oh well the hypocrisy.

(Y)

2009-11-15T03:34:00.000-08:00

bull shitty A levels

2009-11-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

cute.

2009-11-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

EVERY HUMAN is in need of a confidant - someone to help them solve a problem beyond their capacity - and they seek advice and counsel. The author has always maintained the average person knows the answer to their own problems, but seldom has the COURAGE to accept the solution. They seek counsel of others in EXPECTANCY and FEAR of what they may learn - and invariably follow their own course

Each person presents an individual problem, yet the pattern of life and behavior expectancy is pretty much the same. The life of every individual has much in common with all other individuals - all persons, of course, falling in the category of 'human beings.' Variations of their behavior are caused by well defined factors.

interesting

2009-11-12T04:58:00.000-08:00

sigh

2009-11-09T06:21:00.000-08:00

Set me as a seal upon your heart,

As a seal upon your arm;

For love is as strong as death,

Jealousy as cruel as the grave;

Its flames are flames of fire,

A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,

Nor can the floods drown it.

If a man would give for love

All the wealth of his house,

It would be utterly despised

cant find the one that i played for last year.. but this will do (:

2009-11-06T06:27:00.001-08:00

what if you could turn back time, not in the sense where u're free to roam about, but something like this...

imagine you are crossing the road, and you see a car about to knock someone down, then each step you take forward would have you see that person being slowly knocked down and each step back shows the car moving back in the other way...

would you walk back all the way? or just continue walking tho you know that person is going to die.

sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

2009-10-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

2009-10-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remnants

Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I tried to live alone
But lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to give up my defences

So I smiled and tried to mean it
To let myself let go

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

"I never ever, I forget my story.
My face is not sad, but sometimes, I am sad."

2009-10-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down.
And I think I just fell in love with her,
But she won't ever remember, remember.

And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup.
Drowning in drunk sincerity.
A sad and lonely girl.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

And she said,
I think we're running out of alcohol. Tonight, I hate this fucking town.
And all my best friends will be the death of me,
But they won't ever remember, remember.

So please take me far away, before I melt into the ground.
And all my words get used against me.
This sad and lonely girl.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
Quit crying your eyes out.
The past is only the future with the lights on.
So quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

2009-10-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

not much time left...

sigh

2009-10-26T06:17:00.001-07:00

okay i guess today productivity improved.. i really do need to get good rest before doin work. one paper 2 for chem and bio each and my brain is fried. theoretically thats 3 1/2 hours of work only.. which isnt a lot. but well, beats reading notes and not finding that less than 10% enters your brain.

these days the library is more solemn, like as if the mugging fever has caught up with everyone.. lesser noise, and well everybody's just buried in their books.. of course the occasional chit chat still goes on, showing that at least we still know whats called communication and whats called keeping each other mentally sane.

its like at during these times where those small words of encouragement is all that u need to finish that one damned paper.

haha kudos to the lvl 2 mugging family. same ppl everyday (Y)

math paper 1 now.. gogogo